To Be Continued

Flowing around in dusty ages
ink blot ideas form words on my pages
from starting the feeling, the first spark of excitement,
flirting shyly at first, then into the spotlight!
I share with them my all, their essence flows through me,
But then.. I hear a call...
Ho there blue.. with red are you?
But that doesn't show off your true hue,
Ho there dreams, you say that your growing?
How about we go crowing at the moon overflowing
with worms just a-glowing, all shiny and bright.
But then we never really knew, of the moons real wormy hue,
for unfinished it ages, in dusty word cages,
forever more fading,
on these unread pages

-to be continued

un-self

Unpeeled, unshelled, deep under the
layers upon layers,
undone, undressed,
unmasked..
naked in the seed of self,
underneathe, unflinching, unafraid,
understood,
finding feet in the dark earth.
unabashed, unattatched, undefined, and divine
under skies of infinity
I am that I am that I am that I am
spiralling inwards, truth in all

Puzzling

Words fall like a puzzle as I piece my lessons together, falling on perked ears, I trust the inner butterflies to guide my fragile understanding, a mobile made of glass, twisting and spinning, catching light at the right angles. I whisper to them and shine them up until they sparkle like crystal and I close my eyes to set them free, dreams weaving as I speak. I am a bridge to the light realm, a beckoner to that which lies beyond, a stealer of memories, of images to paint the picture of me, of this, of the just now and the forever. With belief and trust we merge and swim in the same rivers, feeling the flowing grace and allowance waters wrapping their tender tendrils around, and mingling minds because curiosity cannot be ignored. It pulls tangles out and laughs at them, smoothing them out into hammocks to lay in the open sunshine.

Icy Gardens

I watch as green gardens are coated with icy snow and reflect on the pure impermanence of it all. For just a small while this green will be cradled in it`s snowy grave, a frozen memory of an eternal season.. when someone thought this would last forever, someone thought they would last forever, and someone else still counted the falling petals, thinking how time stretches deep. But sometimes time jumps our bones,the cold shocks our warm bronze beings and we shiver with it’s cryptic foreshadowing. Winnipeg warriors have not yet earned their spurs, or donned brick heavy sorrels. I think of this all, watching the snow swirl around cozy street lights, and smile a little smile because our cycles still reflect clocks more than ourselves, night lights more than our dear stars, and digital agendas more than our moon. What a surprise this tropical blizzard. Not feeling like revolting much less moving, I just keep sighing, watching as seasons change before my eyes, saying to myself that tonight at least, i choose to embrace this unexpected, to welcome the snowmen, to frolick with each frisky flake and make love to the winter winds.   

 

Old poetry surrender

Well little ms. blog has been in stasis for a while here, but now relaxing and glowing on the sunshine coast thought I'd give it a little jump start, a little energy with some old poetry I've been wanting to archive. ~*Bliss Bless*

Falling Together

My fingers type a waterfall of letters, drips and drips, words, rolling and falling into the larger pool of that which I’m trying to say to you. But the drumbeat of my heart falls apart, scatters beats to the wind, each spiralling mathematically away, moments fragmented into a million pieces, trying to escape the thought that I might have to tell you no, or maybe not know what to say at all. The splinters of my ego are flying so wide and wild that sea birds pick them up and when they fly into the sunlight, they blind and bewilder those who dare to look. And I dared, so now the words, the manifestations of my divine will trip blindly off my tongue into empty puddles leaving ricocheted bits stuck to the memory walls of all those here. But I’ll pick them up, dust them off and repeatedly reassemble my meaning, mecho-engineering and reconfragulating my rusty constructs until I…. Understand…you…..until I… can speak to your heart.. until you can see my truth.

serpentine connections

Old Sages by the Figure of the Snake
Encircled thus) did oft expression make
Of Annual-Revolutions; and of things,
Which wheele about in everlasting-rings;
There ending, where they first of all begun . . .
These Roundells, help to shew the Mystery
of that immense and blest Eternitie,
From whence the CREATURE sprung, and into whom
It shall again, with full perfection come . . . 


I love this image and metaphor, eternity, must be devoured but then created again. Plus it's a symbol found all over the world for a thousand years. From alchemy to the mayan, to roman empires to mesopotamia. I will be making some serpent jewelry from this inspiration!

Destination Education!

Hurray for learning!  =D

So all this week I've been teaching, and well actually mainly learning! Meeting the kids I'll be teaching, learning what they've been learning, that they're really bright! and i'm learning my place in this complex, fast paced, yet always relaxed world. People were friendly enough at first, but I felt a distance between us, as if a whole sea of past experiences and history was washing between us, keeping us still and observing. Without knowing though one can only bow with acceptance and be present. Anyways I got right into the swing of things, taught one class of yoga and games with the younger kids and they went a bit crazy (a great lesson for me on preparedness and discipline!) and then taught the older kids who were better. I feel like I'm going to progress really fast though, understanding what the kids need and what I'm capable of.
  Man those kids, they won't be fooled! They actually didn't even pay attention to me for the first few days, no surprise or curiosity or fear. But over the course of the week hearts slowly opened up, and now a few of the kids call my name and smile and hold out their hands to me, which is really heartwarming to me. The kids have their own barriers up and you have to prove that your trustworthy, which both makes me feel comforted that they are wise to the world, but at the same time a little bit sad that they've had to become wise.. hmm I'm sure it's good in the long run though. You can never judge someone for what is necessary, but only try to understand the multifaceted cradle it sits in. Today the kids performed a musical too! they were really cute and did well (even though they never took practice seriously geez haha) A bunch of the kids sponsors and some funding people from the netherlands were the audience and afterwards Ketut (the man who started the yayasan) talked about the programs. It was interesting though when he picked out certain kids and told their story, of being poor and uneducated.. it felt uncomfortable even for me, let alone how the kids felt. It brought up some inner dialogue about what I've heard been called "NGO porn" (bad name I know) but it's when organization show kids in terrible situations to envoke pity, and money from watchers. It made me think of what is necessary in these organizations to attain funds and keep afloat and for funders to feel appreciated. But is there a way to do this without parading the childs life and harships around? Nonetheless I think these kids seem really happy, cared for and have open futures is probably the main point. Just thoughts floating through the ether.

They sure are a lot more proficient at english than I thought they would be! They're pretty clever, which is awesome and means we'll be able to do more complicated fun things. I'm excited and nervous for next week, but that probably won't really go away! It'll just keep me on my toes :)

Other than school that we've moved houses, and now instead of our little bungalow with a pool we have on old castley house, thats kinda run down in an awesome old temple kind of way. There are three floors and we got the top! A room and a patio with an awesome view... of the lightening storms... eep! haha but at least we aren't the tallest thing around so i'm not too worried :) We have tea parties and cake and watch the clouds roll by and laugh.. yep life is good. And Nyepi is in two days! Which is indonesian new year, the biggest celebration of a year chock full of celebrations so it should be a spectacle! So everyone is making these huuge statues right now called Ogo Ogo's, which can be a variety of scary animals, creatures and spirits (all very scary looking) and then tomorrow night they'll parade them around the streets like giant puppets, make tons of noise, yell and scream, and scare all the demons away. Then the next day is a day of silence and meditation where the spirits and demons are roaming the streets and you have to hide in your home. Airports, streets and whole cities shut down for the day and there are spiritual police (wearing checker clothe so the demons can't see them) who patrol the streets so no one leaves their home.

.... pretty awesome!!!

Tomorrow we're off to the holy water spring and were invited to a friend's family celebration, so it should be a beautiful weekend.

LOVE YOU ALL!!! :)

monkey temple forest

It's a beautiful Life

Well after these two weeks of grounding, healing (yes we're finally better!) and absorbing Ubud is starting to feel like home. :)
Yesterday me and ike went on a journey, trying to get to Kuta by Mo-ped and decided... weeelll our lives are more important than getting the computer fixed at this moment! Peopel are totally insane drivers here. They do have their own rthym, which is everyone just drive wherever you want, on either side of the road and make three or four lane roads whenever you want.... buut i think it's going to take a little adjusting before we can sink into that groove! We got to the major freeway which would lead us to the tourist capital of Indonesia and just turned around and went home :P
Now back in little back country Ubud we've become hardened road warriors!

Other than driving escapades we went to the monkey temple forest which was built in the mid 14th century, and i felt my body singing, humming in tune with the green, alive vibration of every tree, rock and statue of the place. The entropy is so high here that soon enough even hard cement gets reclaimed back into the soft earth. The moss was my favorite part (besides the silly monkeys), covering giant iguana statues, that out of their mouths sprung fresh drinkable spring water!

Me and isaac both are feeling the magic of beautiful Bali! I still feel occasional displacement and sit wondering about the mutli faceted reasons i travel, hoping their for the best.. but overall I think i'm letting myself become a part of this place. Learning the language is really helpful to know a place! Everything comes from the heart.. some of my favorites so far are Hati Hati (from my heart to yours, be careful) and Sudah Kawin? for are you married, but traslated it means aren't you married yet? haha

Oh and I go into school sort out my lesson plans tomorrow! eeeee! so excited! I've heard so much good feedback about the school and they have been so kind to me already. I'm both nervous and happy to find my place and start learning, sharing, giving and laughing. Then I'll get off isaacs case too about working so much and wanting him to adventure with me haha.

oh and I cut off some dreadlocks! I was gonna keep it a secret but then realized no one would see me for so long haha. Mmm its so nice to feel the wind on the sides of my head and touch my head again! Still kept all my big natty and favorite ones though.

Love love love, I'll write again when school is underway and how my mission here is going, and for now... MONKEYS!!! :D

Our place in bali!

                                                        The view outside our bedroom door

                                                                      Our Window

                                                                   Our outdoor bathroom!

                                                Our front door, with beautiful balinese carving

So here we are, we made it to our new home in Bali. *

I just wrote such a long post, then my computer died! So i'll just tell a brief little story now, and in fill in the rest in a bit, after I'm feeling better from this lingering cold.

It took two days of flying, driving, and sleeping in Narita to make it to Jakarta. We had a confusing dinner conversation and ended up with sliced tomatoes with salt.... and the breakfast buffet was a bit confusing as well.. what is that anyway? But we were off and on the plane soon enough.
No indonesian airline would accept foreign credit cards online, so we ended up just having to muddle our way through once we got there! Which was quite a test, being sick and hot and hustling from terminal to terminal trying to find a flight, with a good ten locals crowded around us lost looking westerners trying to sell us crumpled up tickets for hundreds of dollars with other peoples names on them! We finally boarded the biggest plane I've ever been on, a double decker! then flew off to denpasar with sighs of relief. All the lights of Jakarta winked at us as we flew overhead, both welcoming us and saying you have a lot to learn.. into an unknown night.
And now we're here, in beeaauteeful bali.. where huuge scultpures are the norm, and temples and statues are everywhere, all wrapped in checkered cloth, to keep away bad spirits, and keep them warm.
We had a bit of a tumultuous first stay, as Isaacs just recovering and I'm pretty sick, so we've been laying low, enjoying our home and the thick, rich, spicy/woody air, and the view of forests and rice paddys all around.
We got a moped yesterday!! eee, excited! isaac's just driven it yet, but I'll learn too so I can get to and from my school when I start my practicum in the next week or so. I think we're gonna practice in little sessions first though because.. well let me give you a picture of the roads here: You drive on the left, no one signals, you just wave your hand the direction you want to go, theres motorbikes zipping around you, everyones beeping to warn you they're coming, and theres the few surprise chickens and dogs just to spice things up! Yep, craazy!
But we're lucky the roads are fairly quiet here, so we'll get good practice before zipping off on adventures.
I think tomorrow we're going to visit the monkey king temple, and the monkey forest, but we'll see if I'm feeling up for it!

All in all its beautiful here, in a multi faceted yet to be discovered way. And all the people I've met have been so gracious, they have eased some of my apprehensions about being a westerner in their lands. I feel fidgety to start teaching, as I know this will make me feel more at peace with my journey here. Something I've been thinking of lately and struggling with in a way is guilt. I know guilt is not a useful sentiment, something to pass through, and not to be acted upon. But it's a hard mechanism to let go of though.. when it serves any kind of self doubt or fear.. but exchanging love, knowledge and spirit should never be motivated by this feeling, so I pray for myself the strength to only act for the eternal flow of balanced reciprocity and love. I pray for the people here, the children and whole system of the world to find their towards the spiralling light!

Love you all. Heres some pictures I took of our home here, and whoooaa! we weren't expecting this! Our friend, whos been coming here for years was charged with finding us all a place (they are all amazing by the way :) and he fell sick, so last minute had to grab a place and that meant finding one thats a bit pricey... but gorgeous! We're moving out next month into a more modest place, but for now we'll just have to endure it :)